Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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