I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
how drunk are you?
Several
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
