i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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