Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
