So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
