why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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