trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
