even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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