The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
