Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
