I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
