Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
