oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
