Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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