Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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