No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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