I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Be still, my beating vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
