Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She needs sedatives and a leash
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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