I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
