Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
