I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
