maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
