He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
