we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
