Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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