ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
