heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
