Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Randomize
