I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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