Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
