i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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