all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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