Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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