i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
