Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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