I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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