i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
