i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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