Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
