I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
