she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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