How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
