If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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