I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
