9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
