I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
