Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
