Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
