You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
