He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize