Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
