so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
