Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize