Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Terrible idea I love it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
