things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
