My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize