remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
