i was rollin on her like bob the builder
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
