I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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