Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
