he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
