I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
