dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
