you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize