Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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