Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize