Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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