3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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