She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
