i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
