You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
