I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
